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It’s Click and Comment Monday again!! Time to tell your story and leave your link in the Mr. Linky Widget!! Today instead of a story I am going to share an interview I did with Helene who writes the Blog 2 sets of twins. It’s a great blog with lots of humorous stories! I love to read it and hear Helen’s funny stories. She has a great sense of humor. Helene struggled with infertility before finally conceiving her FIRST set of twins. Her blog tells her story. In this interview we talk about her struggle with infertility and how she ended up with two sets of twins.
Onna: I know it can be really difficult when you can’t conceive and you want so desperately to have another child. Can you tell me about your struggle to conceive?
Helene: It was everything one would expect it to be….heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, joyous at times and devastating at other times. It was definitely a rollercoaster ride, with all kinds of swoops, dives and twists. I was in my mid-30’s when my husband and I decided to start a family, so obviously I was no spring chicken in the world of reproduction. After receiving the results of some blood work, my ob/gyn told me that my FSH (follicle-stimulating hormone) was rather high and that, more than likely, I would need IVF to conceive. This is also known as “diminished ovarian reserve”….or as I like to refer to it, cruddy old eggs.
So IVF it was for us….we had no insurance coverage for infertility treatment, so we had to pay for everything out of pocket, which was probably one of the most stressful parts of the whole process. I just felt so guilty each time we had to put yet another treatment, procedure or test on our credit card, but my husband was very supportive the whole way through (even when I’d say “Oh guess what I did today? I authorized another $25,000 on our credit card to the fertility clinic”). I’d be laughing hysterically and crying at the same time with every charge I put on our credit card.
During our journey to parenthood, I experienced 3 miscarriages, which were completely devastating and life-changing. The first miscarriage, in particular, was especially difficult for the obvious reason that it was my first time experiencing it but also because it left us with such an empty feeling and took away all the hope we had during our 1st IVF cycle. We were consumed with happiness and joy upon learning I was pregnant and then in an instant, all that was taken away from us. It took me awhile to get past it. I spent most of my days being angry at God and crying to the point where I didn’t think I could cry anymore. The worst part was when I finally did think I was on the road to healing, something would happen or someone would say something and I’d find myself experiencing the grief all over again. It was like a wound that wouldn’t heal. But eventually it did heal and I learned that it’s true what they say about time healing all
wounds. You never forget the pain but somehow you survive it and move on. And that’s what got me through the next 2 miscarriages…just knowing that even though my heart was breaking and my dreams had been crushed, time would heal those wounds too. I had to believe it was all part of God’s plans for us and it definitely proved to me that I was much stronger than I ever thought I was.
We were blessed to conceive our 1st set of twins on our 3rd IVF cycle. Finally, our persistence and faith had paid off. And then some….as we learned I was pregnant with another set of twins, 18 months later, without any medical assistance. So all in all, 3 IVF cycles, 3 miscarriages and 2 sets of twins…all within a 2-year period. It still boggles my mind.
Onna: Can you share with other mothers how it was for you with the hormone treatments et
Helene: I won’t lie. It wasn’t easy….at first. I remember the nurse handing me my IVF protocol, all highlighted in various colors depicting which shot to give when and where. It was confusing to say the least and there were many “911” calls to my nurse at 10:00 at night…”OH.MY.GOD. I think I gave myself the wrong shot!”. After awhile, though, I became a pro….I was even able to give myself my own intra-muscular shots (the one with the huge needle that goes in your butt cheek…yeah, that one). I was also on Heparin (a blood thinner) for a syndrome known as APA (anti-phosphilipid antibody syndrome….Mama, say what? Yeah, I know…it sounds weird). A typical day would consist of me giving myself 3-5 shots but with each shot, I’d tell myself “this is worth it, this is worth it”. As far as what the meds did to my personality…well, let’s just say my husband was VOLUNTEERING for a lot of business trips out of town and leave it at that.
Onna: Can you share any tips for other moms?
Helene: Just keep reminding yourself that it’s all worth it. That was my motto. I can’t explain it but I just had a sense of calmness that in the end I would become a mother, one way or another. When I was at some of my lowest points, I’d spend a lot of time in prayer, begging God to take away the strong urge I had to be a mother but that urge only got stronger each time I prayed. I had to finally just hand it over to God and know that whatever He had in store for me was ultimately what would make me happy. All I can say is just to have faith….if your urge to be a mother is as strong as mine was, then it’s meant to be, one way or another. That’s not to say it will be an easy process but one definitely worth going through for the end result.
Onna: How did your husband handle this?
Helene: You know, he handled it the best way he knew how. There were often times I’d vent to him about this or that and he’d just say, “Tell me what I can do to make it better”. He’d rub my belly when it was sore from the shots, he’d hold me when I’d cry when things weren’t going well, he held me together the whole way. He was willing to jump through whatever hoops he needed to so we could have the family we had hoped for. It also helped that we were both able to maintain a sense of humor about the whole thing. Like one time, when he was about to go into the….um, men’s room (we had a funny name for this room but I’m not sure it’s appropriate to actually write it)….to do his “part”….and I was at a loss as to what to say to him as he went back to the room so I said, “well, good luck….try to make sure it all gets in the cup”. He just looked completely mortified. He laughed about it later but at the time, he was like “I
can’t believe you just said that”.
Onna: When you finally conceived after the IVF treatments what did you do? Were your nervous often that something would go wrong? Were you able to have “faith” that everything would be ok?
Helene: Nervous constantly….YES! I worried about every little thing….I even banished mouthwash in our house because a friend had told me that the alcohol in the mouthwash might cause birth defects, I refused to eat oreo cookies because a friend of mine had told me she read somewhere that there was an ingredient in the crème center that could cause a miscarriage. To say that I drove my husband completely nuts with all my worries is putting it mildly. I tried to maintain faith that everything would be okay. When I reached the point of viability (28 weeks), I finally started to believe that I was actually going to be a mother….to twins, no less!
Onna: It certainly seems that god has a good sense of humor!! After all that struggling to get pregnant then you ended up with 2 Sets of twins!!
Helene: It is still pretty amazing to me how blessed we are. We had hoped for twins initially and we were so thrilled when we learned I was pregnant with twins. And just when we had given up hope that we’d have more children, God laughed a little…and then He sent us another set of twins. Every dr we consulted with prior to finding our RE said we had a 1-3% chance of conceiving a take-home baby without medical assistance….just goes to show that God is ultimately in control.
Onna: I can imagine your days are wonderful and crazy?!! How old are your twins?
Helene: Cole and Bella, our 1st set of twins, are 4 yrs old. Garrett and Landon, our 2nd set of twins, are 2 years old.
Onna: What is your typical day like with them?
Helene: Cole and Bella go to preschool M-F for 3 hours in the morning. That’s my quiet time with Garrett and Landon. I try to focus on learning activities and arts/crafts with them during the time Cole and Bella are at preschool. Then we go pick up Cole and Bella, come home and have lunch, and then the little twins go down for a nap. That’s my quiet time with Cole and Bella. Often times, we’ll watch movies, read books or just have playtime. My favorite thing to do with them is to build a huge railroad track that takes up half the family room. Or we’ll play house with all of Bella’s dolls. The kids are all at such a fun stage of life and I have a blast with them (on most days).
Onna: What tips do you have for other parents of twins?
Helene: For new parents of twins, my best advice is to keep the babies on the same exact schedule for everything….feedings, sleeping, baths….everything. Life will be so much easier and you will find that you have a lot more “down” time to recuperate and rest if the babies are on the same schedule. I always joke that the person who came up with the saying “never wake a sleeping baby” was obviously NOT a parent of multiples. Also, if formula feeding, try to keep the babies on a 4-hr feeding schedule round the clock. We managed to only have one middle of the night feeding with our 2nd set of twins because we were very consistent with our schedule. I could go on and on with so many tips I have for new parents of twins….I’ve so been there, done that!
Onna: I love your blog, you have such a sense of humor when telling the stories of your days ( I really hope you do the mr linky comment on my blog!! I think people would love your stories!) with your children. What made you start your blog?
Helene: Why, thank you!! I’m so glad you enjoy reading it! I actually started an online journal right at the beginning of our trying to conceive journey. So I have every single moment of our “reproductive career” on paper and sometimes it’s important for me to go back and read some of the entries when I’m having a difficult day with the kids to remind myself of what my life was like when I was struggling to have children. I started the “I’m Living Proof….” blog when I was about 22 weeks pregnant with our 2nd set of twins as a way to keep family and friends up to date on how the pregnancy was going and how Cole and Bella were doing. And then it just kind of morphed into what it is now….a recording of the funny, interesting things my kids do and say, some of the crazy things that happen in our daily life, and some of my random thoughts that I think (and hope) they’ll find funny and interesting to read someday when they’re older.
Onna: What is your favorite part of writing your blog?
Helene: Besides documenting all the milestones in my children’s lives, I enjoy that it has sparked a creative side in me that I never really knew was there. I also like that it’s helped me connect with so many other bloggers….people I would’ve never met otherwise. And I’ve picked up some fabulous recipes, awesome gardening tips, as well as marital and child rearing advice along the way!
Onna: What types of things do you like to cover in your blog?
Helene: I wanted to write about all the things that happen in our daily life but I didn’t want it to become boring or monotonous, so I always try to put an entertaining spin on things. I’m a “list” person so I’m always coming up with Top 10 Lists and I have my kids to thank for providing me with such banter. I always have a pad of paper and a pen nearby to jot something down really quickly….I see everything that happens in our daily lives as good blogging material….from the excuses my kids come up with to stall at bedtime, all the way to documenting my oldest son’s first experience with surgery through pictures and commentary. I even have my husband trained to recognize a good blogging opportunity…when our oldest son recently hit the back of his head on our cement patio (requiring 3 staples in his head) my husband took him to the ER and proceeded to take pictures with his cell phone. Everything is worth documenting!
Onna: What is your favorite post from your blog?
Helene: This is a hard one because I have a few that are my favorite. But probably my favorite one is The Top 10 Things My Kids Will Never Hear Me Say. http://2setsoftwins-helene.blogspot.com/2009/02/top-10-things-my-kids-will-never-hear.html
Onna: What did you do pre-children?
Helene: I was a Program Director for a private foster family agency. I had received my MA degree in Psychology with a concentration in Marriage and Family Counseling but I wasn’t quite sure how I wanted to use that degree. After spending a year providing therapy for various clients (mostly children), I realized that therapy wasn’t my cup of tea. Most of the kids I counseled were in the foster care system so when I saw an ad in the paper for this agency who was hiring social workers, I applied and got the job. I was a social worker with that agency for quite awhile and then I was promoted to Program Director. It was a wonderful experience, one that was very rewarding but also emotionally draining, especially when my husband and I were trying to conceive. Here we were struggling to have children and I was getting calls on my pager every day from the county requesting a foster home for yet another abused child. It was heartbreaking and hard to understand
the fairness in it all.
Onna: Do you have any other hobbies or interests? (not that you probably have time!!)
Helene: One of my hobbies is reading. I love to read. It helps me escape sometimes from the stress in my daily life. Thankfully, my kids share my love of reading so we’ll often go to the library to check out books. We’ve also started a veggie/fruit garden this year and so far, it’s going pretty well. My goal is to teach my kids all the things my mother never taught me when I was younger that I wish she had, like cooking and gardening. I’m hoping those things will be bonding moments between me and the kids….ones that they’ll also share with their children and grandchildren someday.
Thank you Helene for taking the time to do this interview. It was a pleasure getting to know you. I really enjoy reading your blog, it always brings a smile to my face.
I highly recommend that you check out Helene’s blog 2 Sets of Twins.
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